THIS PERSON. IS VERY STuPID AT MATH. THEY CLEARLY DO NOT uNDERSTAND. THE FORCE OF A HuNDRED CALIBORNS. WITH THAT MANY MES I COuLD BuRN DOWN THIS TOWN. I COuLD OVERTHROW A COuNTRY. I COuLD KILL MY SISTER. TIMES A HuNDRED.

A HuNDRED OF ME.

GOD.

DAMN. 

SHE REFuSES TO TALK TO ME. SO. WE ARE BOTH SPENDING “QuIET TIME.” ENGAGING IN OuR RESPECTIVE HOBBIES. AS YOu CAN SEE. I AM PRACTICING MY SPORTS TOSS? 

FuCKING INCREDIBLE.

NO. jUst! no!! yoU are disgUsting! i don’t know why i bothered letting yoU open yoUr moUth! yoU have no respect for women, or for me, or for anyone!!! JUST SOD RIGHT OFF TO HELL, PLEASE. 

WELL. IT SEEMS LIKE. SOMEONE’S EXTRA HYSTERICAL TODAY. 

i don’t want to talk to yoU. and i won’t, probably for a LONG while. 

leave me alone!

it is natUral to be cUrioUs. we do get this qUestion a lot so i have drawn Up this incredibly anatomically correct chart for yoU! i do hope it answers all of yoUr qUestions.

not cute

image

image

UU: roxy?
UU: why do yoU like me

image

TG: ??? ??? ?///
TG: cali wut? u ok
UU: roxy yoU’re so wonderfUl and smart and nice and i cannot Understand why yoU woUld possibly settle for me.
TG: calliliope whar is this cuming from???
TG: omg *COMING
TG: *inapropro
UU: i dont try to look down Upon myself…
UU: bUt i’ve been told enoUgh times by others and my own brother- i’m a freak! it’s trUe! 
UU: i’m a freak and i am Ugly and attached to the meanest person in the world, im never alone and im never allowed to be happy and i jUst cant Understand why yoU woUld bring yourself down to be with me.
sometimes i think it’s all an elaborate crUel joke. how coUld i ever be loved! i dont even love myself. i dont know how i coUld.
UU: i’m sorry. i’m rambling.
TG: 
:c callie i gottea b honest u are makin me so sad rite now
UU: oh roxy, i’m sorry. i didnt mean to make yoU feel bad. i’m sorry.
TG: no no nomn no its ok we can tlak!!
TG: i junst dont kwnow what 2 say but i would never think of u liek that ?????
TG: 
yea ur bros a jerk but that ha s nuthign 2 do w/ u ok boo??
TG: …….. .. ..
TG: callie r u there 
UU: i’m here. bUt i shoUld probably go.
TG: :C?
UU: maybe we can jUst pretend i didnt say anything, i hate to Upset yoU. i’ll leave yoU to yoUr vices and stop being sUch a bother.
TG: ur not a bother!!!!! 
UU: im sorry, im sorry, i love yoU, i’ll go away now
UU: drink lots of water before yoU sleep
TG: wait clalie !!! ! :C
[message not delivered]
TG: fufjvk

(shh callie shUt Up! stop being so weak! don’t wake him Up. do yoU want things to be even worse??)

oh no! i’m not particUlarly cUte! roxy and jane are mUch more admirable. or, honestly, most anyone else…

i woUld appreciate some inkling of privacy when i am being intimate with roxy!! 

NO. YOu’RE NOT PuTTING A PILLOW OVER MY FACE LIKE A CHILD YOu WANT TO SuFFOCATE. IS THAT WHAT YOu’RE AFTER. I DO NOT SEE ANYWHERE IN THE DOCuMENTATION ANY RESTRICTIONS TO THE FORCE OF THE PILLOW BEING APPLIED TO MY FACE.

this is a roUgh draft!!!

I DON’T SEE WHY I CAN’T WATCH. I’M ALREADY GOING. TO BE LISTENING. 

not if i can help it!! we’ll jUst have to bUy a pair of silencing headphones or something! bUt i know i can’t trUst yoU to keep yoUr eyes shUt! 

I AM A MAN. I HAVE NEEDS. I AM NOT GOING TO BE DEAF AND BLIND. EVERY TIME YOu WANT TO BE A WANTON HuSSY WITH YOuR FICKLE LADY INTERESTS. 

this applies to yoU too, yoU know!! woUld yoU want me to watch yoU while yoU hop to it with some special someone?!

YOu WOuLDNT DARE.

okay, now here in paragraph 27 in section a12 it says that in case of illegal Use of Undiscussed or otherwise restricted recreational sexUal paraphernalia the gUilty party is subject to pUnishment varying on the overall reception of said paraphernalia. however! the designated prosecUtor is not detailed and pUnishments have no examples, which leaves too large of a loophole for you to jUmp through, caliborn! >:U

YES. WELL. WE SHOuLD AMEND THIS IMMEDIATELY. I SuGGEST THE WEAKEST PuNISHMENT SHOULD BE. THE FORCEFUL AND VIOLENT REMOVAL OF THE PERPETRATORS FAVORITE FINGERNAIL AND THE WORST PUNISHMENT… DEATH.

yoU are absolUtely impossible to work with, yoU know. 

NOT NEARLY ENOuGH.

left handed.